It has been a fucking fucking long time since i've blogged! Nothing to do at home now, so decided to update abit. Yesterday had a quarrel with bf, actually not really very big quarrel. But these few days we kept quarreling about the slightest thing you can ever think of. And these few days also blame my mouth, i scolded him back also.......... But finally, yesterday night we were alright. We were almost separated for good. Luckily i managed to talk things out with him. *phewwww*

Have been jobless since end of September till now. Basically slacking my time away, my money is running low ~ Can't even shop like how i used to in the past. Haven't been shopping for the longest time as bf doesn't really like me spending money. But still, i don't fail to spend finish my pay every month. Cabs are sucking me dry ~ Sigh. Earn money hard, spend money fast la. But tomorrow i got a interview at 10.30am, Ngee Ann City. Actually i got not much hopes that i'll get the job, so i don't really feel like going. Got a feeling i'll be wasting my time down. Should i go? Boring lah.

& i realised there are many many october babies! Woohoo ~ Of course i'm ONE OF THEM. HAHAHAHHAA! Happy birthday to all october babiessssssss ~

It's been so long since i last updated. Didn't intend to touch this space anymore, till i've gotten back together with him. As i wanted this blog's last post to be about both of us. Lol. Stupid me. But now cause i've accepted the fact. I know i've said this countless of times about giving up, but this time it's for real. Cause it's till today, we really talked things out. I also understand that sometimes once the feeling is gone, it'll never be back anymore. Just like what he said in the past, "When you pour a water out, you'll never get the same water back anymore." But different now. Cause i can't even get any water back. For the past months, i've been lying to myself always. I've always convinced myself with what i thought that was the truth. But actually of course, my mindset was totally wrong. I don't blame him. I don't blame myself too. Cause i know i've tried my best. No use dragging, making him suffer with me when the feeling can never be back. A relationship without love, there won't be happiness too. I used to shift all the soft toys at my bed away when i go to bed every night, leaving only our soft toy beside me. I'll press it once in a while, as there's his voice inside. I'll always smile to myself, listening to his voice. But today, after shifting all the soft toys, i shifted our soft toy too. Cause i want to remind myself, you're gone for good this time. I don't think i'm strong to make this decision. I just think that i don't have a decision at all. I don't have a choice.. I have to, MUST accept this. To be honest, i'm really damn reluctant to accept this. Friends around me know that i really can go out of my mind for him. Friends will say me stupid, but i didn't find myself stupid to do all those foolish things for him. But no matter how reluctant and unwilling, the fact is still the fact. I really tried to change the fact, i tried so hard, but i know no matter how much effort i put in, how much tears, how much i beg him, the truth is there isn't anymore love. I got no choice but to accept it. After today, i know we'll never be together again. No more hopes, no more nothing. This is life. I just gotta accept this fact.. He don't love me anymore.. It's not his fault. If really someone has to take the blame, it's me.

Us, two years back. <3

I'll change, for the better.. I'll change, for the sake of you and myself. I'll change everything that you don't like about me. I'll change, trust me.. I know, you're sick and tired of hearing me repeating the same things again and again, but i never did change at all. But this time, i really will. I'll let actions prove it. I believe in our love, that's why i choose to continue and not give up.. I don't care what others say. I don't mind them saying me naive.. I stick to my decision even after others tell me to move on.. Cause i believe you're worth everything that i do.. People might not know, you used to be the best boyfriend ever. Although the past caused us lots of unhappy memories, but there's also lots of happy memories for us too. :) I always believe in you and our love. And i know this time there's no exception too. Everything's caused by my fucked up attitude and i'll sure change that. :) Nobody understands how i feel. How much we've gone through together, it's not an easy task.. We've been through so much, so many ups and downs. This relationship is hard to come by, and so i won't let go of it anymore. I've been a fool in the past, a fool that doesn't know how to treasure and appreciate but i won't anymore. I've had your forgiven too easily in the past, and that's why i did not learn how to appreciate and treasure. This time, i'm gonna win them back all by my efforts. It's gonna be a long and hard way, but no matter what i won't give up anymore. It'll all be worth it. I believe it will.

[Edited]
Seriously, i think that i'm already very lucky. Lucky that Bg is willing to give me a chance to change again afterall. I know that although he did not mention it out, he's already giving me a chance for me to change. I always thought to myself, why can't he just give me a chance? But all along, i did not know that he was already giving. But i ruined it by myself yet again. I'm so glad that now he still gives me this last chance. I'll never ruin it again myself anymore. This time gonna be the last time, and i'll cherish it. I wanna prove to him that i can do it. :)
[/Edited]

在你的记忆里面有一个我
在你最痛苦的时候陪你度过
难过过了 天晴朗了 我就走

你拯救我的寂寞 我的痛我的梦
在你的面前 我不必保留
还来不及对你说
迟到的我的心动

你的好 你的坏
我的脾气你最懂
我不要你心疼我(林: 我不要你离开我)
明天的以后我们会懂
失恋的挫折让人变更成熟

泳:我对你 感觉胜过爱情
林: 因为有你 给我勇气给我用不完的运气
林: 其实也想好好爱你
泳:只怕到最后不小心 让你伤心 (林: 我不怕会伤心)
合: 对不起 我对你 再好再亲密都不能在一起
林: 最后看你在别人怀里
泳:有天我会找到我的唯一(林: 我并不是你的唯一)
合: 还微笑祝福你

林: 你拯救我的寂寞 我的痛我的梦
在你的面前 我不必保留
泳:我从来没对你说
压抑的 我的心动

林: 我的好 我的坏 我的脾气你最懂
泳:我不要你来心疼我
合:明天的以后我们会懂
失恋的挫折让人变更成熟

泳:我对你 感觉胜过爱情
林: 因为有你 给我勇气给我用不完的运气
林: 其实也想好好爱你
泳:只怕到最后不小心 让你伤心 (林: 我不怕会伤心)
合: 对不起 我对你 再好再亲密都不能在一起
林: 最后看你在别人怀里
泳:有天我会找到我的唯一(林: 我并不是你的唯一)
合: 还微笑祝福你

泳:爱情总让人折磨
林: 所以我们才选择
合: 做比情人更好的朋友

泳:我对你 感觉胜过爱情
林: 因为有你 给我勇气给我用不完的运气
林: 其实也想好好爱你
泳:只怕到最后不小心 让你伤心 (林: 我不怕会伤心)
合: 对不起 我对你 再好再亲密都不能在一起
林: 最后看你在别人怀里
泳:有天我会找到我的唯一(林: 我并不是你的唯一)
合: 还微笑祝福你

Sometimes i feel that actually everything is going on fine, quite okay, but i ruined it again by myself. I'm too sensitive. I'm too sticky to him. It's been so long, but it has never changed before. 2 years ago, i stick to him worse than superglue. One minute without him by my side, i'll go bonkers. I just love to stick to him. And now, it's still the same. Although i don't and i can't stick to him everyday anymore, but it's almost the same. Knowing that he hates me calling him umpteen times, i still did.. I don't know what the fuck i was doing also. But i hate myself for having this kinda behavior. I really made him fucking angry with me afew days ago and now we're getting more distant when we already are. Fucking hate it. I really ruined it myself man. I'm supposed to salvage this relationship but i'm making it worse. I hate myself, seriously. > :( Sigh!

What i want is too much? People says that after giving in for long, the opposite party will realise your good and appreciate you. But why am i not appreciated? I really can't be compared to even the most least important friend of his. I'm not important, unappreciated. It'd be better if he would just treat me like his good friend but even that also seems impossible? Why can't he just think for me sometimes? Put himself in my shoes, try to understand how i feel. I just need some love, some concern, some attention from him. Is it so difficult? Fuck my life, seriously. I'll never ever be the one he'll think of at night. Can someone teach me how to give up? :(

Is what G said right? Trying to salvage this relationship is really wrong? :( Can someone tell me what to do? Sigh.

Update again before work resumes tomorrow! So fast, and tomorrow gotta work already. But at least this weekend i enjoyed it! :)

Saturday, 14/3/10.

Caught Being Human at Cine with Bg, Yongchye & Co. I am very happy yesterday cause Bg was nice to me. Hehehehe. He tried to catch bear for me at Cine cause he promised me before, although we failed very miserably, but i'm still happy! Bought movie tickets for the 2am show after that we and went to the K-pool as the guys wanted to play Billard. And bg keep giving me $1 coin to play the machine cause i was not playing. Okok, maybe not good to many people out there but these things makes me happy already! Cause he's a guy who won't do sweet things for girls etc one. Okay, maybe won't do sweet things to me only. LOL! Really hope things would be better when times goes by! :) Woohoo.

After playing billard, went to play LAN but the connection sucks big time. Cannot play Garena lor. Then i tried to catch bear myself while they're playing and i failed veryveryveryvery terribly! LOL. Okay lah, i also don't like to spend money catching bear cause i think it's a very waste. And the bears on my bed is taking up HALF of my bed. I wanna keep all of them already.

After playing lan, smoked etc and we went up for our movie! Just nice! The movie was quite funny etc. But i fell asleep halfway! Really fucking tired. Bg woke me up. & he say that he was very shocked that i was sleeping lor cause i was the one who keep wanting to come watch this show and ended up i slept. Lol. But the ending is quite lame. -.-"

After watching movie, headed home. IP MAN 2 IS COMING OUT!! I WANNA WATCH!! 29TH APRIL! Can't wait lah!! It's fucking nice lor! I WANNA WATCH WITH BG!! LOL.

Really hope i can spend my Saturdays like this always! :) I should learn to be contented with now already, and wait patiently for Bg to come back! :)

I'm at bg's workplace now. And he's sleeping damn soundly & i'm damn fucking bored! Sian sian sian. I'm eating more & more man. LOL. Gg lah. Fucking fat now. I need to diet diet diet! I miss the times when i'm damn fucking skinny lor! Really is no fats at all! My arms not fat, thighs not fat!!!! I want back that time can? :(

Work is still alright, except that i keep going in late. Fuck man. When can i kick away this bad habit? I've been late for 1week already. Damn itttttt ~ I don't wanna be late anymore already. Please please please. Really hafta force myself out from bed in the morning! Cause i really like my workplace now, my colleagues & all are great! Although i still act shy. Wahahaha.

I ate Pasamalam food for 3days straight. Lol. But it's damn nice. I wanna try the fried potato next. My colleague bought and let me try. Nice! Hopefully Monday it's still there. Anyway, everyday after lunch i'll go to the eggtart stall and buy manymany egg tarts back to eat! That's why i'm getting fatter & fatter. And the chef in the school always bring in finger food to the office! :(

Anyway, today during work i FINALLY managed to bomb bg up! Woohoo ~ Cabb-ed to his workplace to look for him. Eat potato chips again. And i just had my dinner just now. Tomyam soup + rice. Damn spicy and i drank 4cups of water till i'm fucking bloated.

Hopefully, at night going to watch the movie, 'Zuo ren' if nothing goes wrong. *prays hard* & I wanna eat FROG PORRIDGE! Actually i wanna eat that for dinner just now, but bg say i keep eating frog porridge. Hope later can go to Timah to try their frog porridge!

Starting from Monday, i wanna diet! I wanna stop being late! *Promised*

Saturday, 6/3/10.

After work, headed to bg's workplace and went down to Illuzion for Ahmao's birthday celebration that day. My eyes were swollen like fuck. Lol. And bg was dead drunk that night and i FINALLY realised that taking care of a drunkard is so damn difficult! :( I don't know how my friends took care of me when i'm like 100000000000000000 times worse when i'm drunk? LOL!

Okay, nothing to blog anymore. Boring. & Bg is still sleeping. :( Sigh. Tata ~

Monday.

Afternoon, headed to Weiqiang's place first to look for Sandy. Weiqiang was woken up by us cause we kept chatting. HAHAHA! Funny lor. Should've seen his reaction etc. HAHAHA. Then after Shann finished preparing, went to fetch her and off we went to Tao's Restaurant!

My first time dining there lor. Quite nice and it's damn affordable lah. After dining there, headed back to Batok. Deciding for damn long where to go and in the end Weiqiang fetched us to 12th Element first. Me, Sandy and Shann went over first. The whole level 2 was ours man. HAHA! After drinking, headed back home around 1am plus.

Wednesday.

First day of work. My colleagues and all are very friendly and nice! :) That's the best part. First day got introduced to everyone there and the lecturers etc. A very different environment. I'm really damn young there lah. Lol. Just like a student man. And there's many things to learn on the first day. Seriously i think i only remember 1/4 of the things they told me. Hahaha! I see their files, documents i want to faint lor. So damn many things lah! I got a feeling i'll make lots of mistakes. :( I damn scared lah. Sian.

After work, bought hair dye etc and cabb-ed back home.

Thursday.

Second day of work! Busying the whole day. Doing data entry work till my eyes are damn tired. Lol. And today got to learn more & more things. Till next week my colleague will pass me things to handle. Damn stress lor. :( & Monday the school's library will be opened and i gotta go tend the library everyday for 1hour! I don't want leh.. Sure damn boring lor. Sigh!

Hope i'll faster learn everything. Hope my brain don't work so slow! LOL. This job i must last. Stop being late etc. Jiayou jiayou! Wahahaha.

Hiiiii! I'm here to blog. Wahaha. Nothing much to blog about lor actually. I've also almost forgotten everything I've down. Weekdays are mostly spent at home doing the same old thing everyday. Jobless life is just slacking like that. Wake up, talk cock at plurk, eat, watch shows, eat, facebook, sleep.

My nails are damn cui already. I need to go get them done! Still haven't do my facial yet! And i still need to send 5 dresses for alteration! Still waiting for 2 more dresses to arrive so i can bring them all for alteration together but seriously, the blogshop owner is damn fucking slow in replying. It's been two weeks okay. Zzz.

Saturday.
Anyway, Saturday I headed out. Kinda had a quarrel with bg and i cried the whole day at home like fuck. I finally managed to ask him to meet me at night and luckily i salvage the situation again. I'll not force him like that anymore. :( And let him have more of his freedom. Sorry bg.. :(

And we realised that we both are going down Illuzion to meet the same group of people! Haha! So we cabb-ed to fetch Yongchye at Farmart & down to Illuzion to meet Ahmao & Co. Left Illuzion at 2am plus and we cabb-ed down to Neverland.

Okay, i admit i was dead drunk man. Weiguang sent me back home & I even wanted to open the door halfway when he's driving. What the fuck i was doing i also don't know lor. Lol. Sorry guys for always troubling you all! Thank you ALL!

Anyway, FINALLY I'M GONNA UPLOAD PICTURES. Woohoo! Hehehe.

Happy Chinese New Year! :)

I think this year's CNY is not as happening etc. as last year. Last year, i remembered since January i've been anticipating for CNY already. Lol.

Thursday.

Spent my day at home making something like a book and at night, i cooked Curry Fish Head for bg. Hehe. I can say it's not bad for a first timer lor. :P

Friday.

After cooping myself at home for several weekends, I finally decided to go out! :) Actually Weiqiang told me to meet at 9pm Sandy's place. But in the end, i went at around 11pm plus. And we actually waited for them till 1am plus! And after waiting for everybody etc, we headed to Boatquay only at 2am. And after having supper etc, we went in 12th Element only at 3am. LOL! It was sucha bad Friday night man. We went in only to realised it's fully occupied. So i decided to go find bg while Sandy & Weiqiang went back, & Weiguang & Co. headed to Oasis. Reached bg's work place, watched shows etc. & I ordered food to eat. Till around 6am plus, i cabb-ed back home.

Anyway, i wanna kick away my kiddy attitude! No more no more throwing small tantrums! :) No more acting like a kid (Except sometimes still can lah). :P No more buying dress online (One month buy afew dresses). Be understanding, don't be selfish. Should not listen and belive in others easily. Judge people myself and not by listening to others (Must must must!). Change change change! Wahahaha. I can do it, I can do it. :P LOL.

Tuesday.

Met up with Shann & she accompanied me as i wanna do soft reborning for my fringe at Bukit Gombak. After doing, we cabb-ed to 2head as i wanna alter my dresses. Supposed to collect my dresses at night 8pm, but i couldn't make it..

After that we cabb-ed over to Bedok as she wanna do her eyebrow embroidery. Ended up, we both did acrylic extensions also. I was supposed to go for my appointment at Holland Village but in the end i couldn't make it because of my nails. Damn it. :( Sad lah. Everything ONLY finished at around 11pm. Damn long right! Was sitting inside till my butt damn pain. Hahaha!

After that, we both went to Geylang to eat frog porridge! Our first meal of the day man! *yummmyyy* Delicious! *thumbsup* Hehehehe. After eating, talked for awhile etc. And we headed Jurong Hill for prawning! It's my second time going over, & last time when i went with Z & Co. everything was did by them!

This time, the both of them don't dare to take out the prawns lah! And i master up all my courage TO TAKE OUT THE PRAWNS! You know how scary is it anot! :( The prawns keep jumping and jumping lah! But in the end i only managed to take out 2 prawns, & I got cut by the prawns legs or don't know what it is. Damn pain lor seriously! The rest of the time we just keep asking the uncle to come help us. HAHA!!

Anyway, we finished prawning at around 4am. And we went to BBQ the prawns! Damn delicious lor! So fresh! Thinking of it makes me hungry. HAHA!

And after everything, we walked out to wait for a cab back home and there was freaking no cab. Zzz. Hate it man. In the end, we finally managed to on-call a cab.

Tired tired. Slept throughout the journey back home & I suspect the uncle go drive one big round. Wahaha.

Wednesday.

Supposed to report for work today but i skipped it as the person wants me to photocopy my N level cert. Zzz. No choice but to find a new job again. :( Hate finding a new job. Hates going for interviews! :( Sigh. No choice.

Slacking at home the whole day. I hope i can get a new admin job soon. I don't want to go back to my life last time. Whole day facing the computer, eat, sleep. Just damn lifeless. I want a job man!

Ok, going back to watch my shows and wait for bg to finish eating and chat with him. :) Tata!

Update update! Hehehe!

Thursday.

Working at THERE as usual! Nothing much to say. Cause working is basically the same. But that day i think i was late for work. Reached only at around 12pm. DAMN LATE!! So i told them i'll skip lunch.

Friday.
MY LAST DAY OF WORK. And i only knew it at 5.30pm. But kinda expected lah. Cause i really always late etc.

After work, stayed home the whole day! :)

Saturday.

Bg finally allowed me to go find him at his workplace! Hehehe. Before that i ordered Pizzahut at home. And i went to prepare at 2plus i think. Then cabb-ed over to looked for him with Sweet & Spicy Drumlets for him! Watch shows together etc. Bought dim-sum for dinner! *yummmmyyyy* :P I miss the prawn chee chong fan now! Damnitttt ~

Around 8plus, Sandeep came to look for him. Chatted and went off at about 10plus. Waited for him with Yongchye while he went back to bathe and change. And we headed off to CSC. Long time didn't went there. There's a 7-11 over there now! Haha. They both played Billard while i bought my mash potato and chocolate milk.

Ahmao & Co. came soon. Watched them play and we headed to Jurong and farmart to do some stuffs. Then to Cine to catch a movie, "Law Abiding Citizen". The movie was alright, 3.5/5 stars. Abit bloody. I don't like! And i was really freezing inside the theater lor. Damn cold!!

After our movie it was already 4am plus. So Yongchye drove us back home sweet home! :)

Just a simple day, but i enjoyed! :P Hahahaha!

Sunday.
Stayed at home the whole day watching shows, putting mask.

Monday.
Went for my interview, at a company called "Singapore Technologies Kinetics" located at Portsdown Road. And i'll be starting work at Wednesday! So fast right? Kinda scared working there as it's quite a big company. Went to the place i'll be working located at level 3, it's so messy man. Many many people! :( I hate making new friends etc. Sigh. Hate the loneliness lah. And i hate my working hours! 8am-5.45pm! :(

After my interview, cabb-ed over to Bugis Junction and walked around first while waiting for Sandy. Couldn't find any heels that i like at Charles & Keith. Sucks. Bought Yami Yoghurt, smoked and she came. Then we went to walk around. And bought nothing from Bugis.

Cabb-ed over to Fareast after that. I bought a heels from Mondo which i will never wear cause it hurts so much! Really never exaggerate lor. I walk one step, i really feel like dying man! And i bought a cream from Bio Essence to slim down my face! Hopefully it'll help. I am so fat now man! Hate it hate it hate it!! Bought a hair mask from Essential too! :) Hehehe.

After hours of walking and complaining, we finally went back home sweet home! :)

And i opened the letterbox just now, my eyelash serum has arrived! Yay! I want thicker lashes!

Will be meeting Shan tomorrow for waxing, face threading and reborning my fringe. She's gonna go do her eyebrow embroidery too. I wanna go back Mondo to kill the 2 heels i spotted AFTER i bought that stupid heels.

I wanna bring ALL my dresses for alteration too! I already estimate that i'll spend around $100 just altering my dresses! What the fuck lor. :(

Money is just flying away like that.

I decided to blog cause i really got nothing to do now in office lah. Today office is so quiet. Both my bosses is not around. Two shareholders also not around. Just got nothing to do from don't know what time lor.

Bored bored bored! Life's so bored la. Actually thought would be able to meet bg today but no lor. :( Sian. Sigh. :( :( :(

Anyway, last night after work headed home to change & prepare. Then Alicia & Joslyn came to fetch me and headed to Shin Bar as Alicia's working. I want to fucking get Blackberry soon! It's so nice lor. So cool to plurk outside! Hehehehe!! I'm gonna get it once i get my pay man! Woohoo ~

Ok, really got nothing to blog about. Wtf. Bye all!

I just had my wonderful dinner, curry fish head! *yummmmyyyy* Hehehehe. I went to the market to buy my topup card and bought rojak, came back then realise my mom packet curry fish head from zichar. I've already finished eating for about 1 hour but i'm still fucking full!

My weekends are spent at home! Sucha good girllllll ~ Yeahhhh. From now on, i gonna save! I belive i can do it! Online shopping really kills man! Once i get my pay, i wanna go for eyelash perming, MUSTMUSTMUST! And i wanna go for waxing too ~ And just now my mom said tt she'll still give me money for cny clothes! Yay! So my pay i can save more and i can have another excuse to shop! HAHAHA! Altho bg don't like me to spend money like tt. :( I'll cut down i promise! LOL.

And for my whole Saturday, i was watching 下一站幸福. Nice man. I feel like getting the cd but then it's not yet selling outside? Is it is it? If it is i'm gonna rush to buy! Nice nice nice! Touching man. Keep tearing lor. LOL.

So fast and the time is 7.24pm now. I gonna go have a bath later on and put on maskkkkk! I can't wait to get bb man! It's gonna be the first time i'm using my own hard earned money to get a new hp! Damn 'she bu de' lah! =( I already count that the total i have to pay plus signing on a new line is around $400! Ohmygod! And i checked with my mother that my dad is only gonna be back at the end of March! AHHHHH! *screams* This is the first time out of SO LONG i ask my dad for money! Last time i used to ask from him $200 every 1week+. And now i didn't ask from him for so long already! Ok, is it long? Actually not very. WAHAHA! But to me i feel quite long lor. Somemore gonna use my OWN MONEY BUY HP! This one i really can't belive it. I really cannot bear lah! $400 leh siao siao! I hope my mother will sponsor me half lor please. Even $200 i also abit don't bear lor. Cause my money comfirm not enough for my own use already lor. :( But i really really want that hp lah!

I wanna work pub also la! Buay tahannnnnnnn! Money forever not enough spend. No matter what, i'm gonna get my Blackberry! BLACKBERRY, WAIT FOR ME! MUMMY'S GONNA GET YOU BACKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I wanna go for 1 round of dota already and waiting for bg's call. Heeeeee. BYE ALL! MUACKKKKKKS!

It's been so long since i updated my blogggg! Wahaha. Ok, not very long actually. But to me i feel that it is lor! Everyday is such a long and tiring day. After a long day at work still gotta squeeze with so many people in bus. Hoping there are seats everyday. Morning squeeze, after work squeeze. Power lor.

Monday.
I also forgotten already. I think i was late but i still slowly take bus. Lol. After work Sandy, Weiqiang & Co. came to fetch me! Woohoo! That day i was super high lah. Lol. Headed to Westmall to meet the rest and we went to Sakura for buffet. Yummy lor i had sushiiiiissss! Woohoo. I only know that day i damn super fucking high! HAHAHA! Too long never come out already, bo bian.

After eating, do things etc and headed to 12th Element. High + drink = GG.com LOL! After 12th Element went to Oasis. And i banged until my leg, now got a fucking big orh cheh lor! :( Damn itttt! Even tho i was quite drunk i remember i can feel the pain man! :( Saw Ah Ju over there also. What time and how i went home i also forgotten already. Next day work somemore.

Tuesday.
I woke up only at 10plus, i see the clock and i immidiatly tell myself GG. Faster bathe and went to wait for a cab. And i got a verbal warning from one of my boss. :( Whole day at work damn xinku man. Hangover! Worse still at office!

Wednesday.
Late again. Zzz. Work still the same.

Thursday.
LATE AGAIN AND I KENA A FORMAL WARNING LETTER! Ohmygod! So fast kena warning letter le lor. :( And if next time i'm later than 9.15am, gotta deduct half day's pay! Sibeh sad lah!! But something at midnight made me happier! Heeeeeeeee!!

Friday.
On called a cab to work. Money money just fly! $.$ I need cash lah! When will it be raining moneyyyyyyy?! I sure take my whole house umbrella go catch. LOL. Work was still same lah. Nothing much to say. One of my boss came back from overseas today. 2nd week of Febuary gonna have a outing as two interns are leaving. Sianzation. Till now i still got no topics with my colleague man. We are from different world. :( Nobody can act siao with me there. So boring at work everyday. Bored at lunch too. Hope there are friends working together with me! :( Sigh!!

Last time every Friday and Saturday nights i must go out one. Now leh? Sian!

Time change, people really change lah!! Fucked up lor. Last time i tune little bit, cmf they'll give in and let me one lor. =( Now i tune and tune, also no use le lah! Cb sia. I know i should not complain again and again but really lor! But aiya, forget it man. Gotta blame myself too. Sian la sian la!

Starting work again tomorrow man. Now they've made a excel spreadsheet and named it "Bernice Reporting" I gotta update it everyday what i did, and how long i took to complete it. Wtf right. Jitao is spot check me lor. :( I don't like man seriously! =( Sigh. Work become meangingless liao lah like that give people spot check. But also bo bian. Sigh sigh sigh! =((((

I got many things to do when my pay comes. But but but, i wanna cut down on online shopping! It kills man, seriously! I spend my money on online shopping like I earn big bucks! LOL. And and, I wanna go do a facial lah!! =( I want the person to help me extract my black heads man! Shiok lor. Haha! And i wanna buy eyelash serum, perm my lashes, get new heels and slippers(MUST MUST MUST!!), get a new hp(BB), AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST. I GOTTA SLIM DOWN. My thighs are like elephant thighs lor. So big and fat and i hate it lah. Sigh. Oh yesss, i wanna dye my hair too. But thinking if i should go do soft reborning also. Later do already hair very flat. Still thinking about it man. So many things i gotta do ~ And the cash is so little!! =(

And i really wanna suggest to give my dog away? Even to do SPCA i think my dog will be better at there. He's really so pathetic at home man. Locked up in the cage and sometimes i cook maggi mee i can hear him crying. But then really no choice as i'm afraid of the dog! He's really damn kelian lahhhh! Anyone want a jack russelllll??! I guess nobody wants my dog too. LOL. He's like a mad dog lah. Afew days ago my new maid accidentally let him out and i practically climb up the dining table man! HAHAH! He's really scary lor. Too hyper liao lah, bth!

Ok, i decide to ownself go market already. Dont need ppl acc me on phone! BYE!

Sigh. What g said was right. I should just accept the fact. If there's still feelings, he will only hong but not like another girl. I hope i can stop thinking about him. I hope i can forget about us. I hope i can just accept the fact. The truth really hurts.. :(


So many things, i also don't know how to start and say. I just feel damn shagg now. Don't know what to do, dont know what i'm doing is right/wrong. Don't know what should i do next? Don't know if i should continue.. Don't know if my decision is wrong.. Can't bear to let go. Really don't wanna.. Sigh. Sian.. After losing a thing then you'll know that it's important to you.. Same for everything. I'm always like that. I always don't appreciate the things people does for me and only start to REALISE it after that. I know it myself but i still won't change.. Fucking detest my attitude man. I really really really dont know why everything's in sucha mess now.. I really dont like things like that.. I really fucking hate dropping my tears so easily just for him.. I really dont know anymore.. The truth really hurts, and i fucking dont wanna accept it.. I'm just a spoilt kid with a spoilt temper. I just want everything to go my way.. I don't like my attitude, i don't like my temper.. :( Fuck it.. I'm the one who caused him to change.. I'm the one who did things so ugly in the past, till he gets dishearten and really forget about me, then i came to regret and start to cherish.. Then i came to realise that he is important.. But its really too late.. You know the feeling, that when you really really really realise that you love him and then all he can tell you is sorry? And when you really cry and beg, send him fucking long pages of smses, but what you get back is just a sorry, lets just be friends.. When you realised that now, every other thing is more important than you to him? I never thought that one day i was going to regret. Never thought that one day i'd regret what i did in the past.. But now i really did.. In the past, everyone persuaded me. Everyone said that i'm sure gonna regret next time, but i just didn't heed their advice. For a moment of play, a moment of other guys sweet talks, and i've let down the guy who loved me the most.. You know how much that i wished, that he'll say those words that he used to in the past.. how much i hope i'll see him treating me like how he did in the past.. How much i hope he'd tell me he'll give me a very last chance to change. But nothing's gonna happen like this anymore.. Through all his words, how he talk to me and etc, i can already sense that he no longer loves me anymore.. Deep in my heart i already knew it, but i just couldn't accept it.. I just keep lying to myself that he still does deep in his heart but i know the fact is that he doesn't.. Everytime i think about him, my tears just runs like water tap.. Our memories are really very memorable to me.. But to him, he never wanna think back of the past.. I really really dont wanna put down this relationship.... :( I really dont know what i can do anymore.. Can anyone teach me?