It's been so long since i last updated. Didn't intend to touch this space anymore, till i've gotten back together with him. As i wanted this blog's last post to be about both of us. Lol. Stupid me. But now cause i've accepted the fact. I know i've said this countless of times about giving up, but this time it's for real. Cause it's till today, we really talked things out. I also understand that sometimes once the feeling is gone, it'll never be back anymore. Just like what he said in the past, "When you pour a water out, you'll never get the same water back anymore." But different now. Cause i can't even get any water back. For the past months, i've been lying to myself always. I've always convinced myself with what i thought that was the truth. But actually of course, my mindset was totally wrong. I don't blame him. I don't blame myself too. Cause i know i've tried my best. No use dragging, making him suffer with me when the feeling can never be back. A relationship without love, there won't be happiness too. I used to shift all the soft toys at my bed away when i go to bed every night, leaving only our soft toy beside me. I'll press it once in a while, as there's his voice inside. I'll always smile to myself, listening to his voice. But today, after shifting all the soft toys, i shifted our soft toy too. Cause i want to remind myself, you're gone for good this time. I don't think i'm strong to make this decision. I just think that i don't have a decision at all. I don't have a choice.. I have to, MUST accept this. To be honest, i'm really damn reluctant to accept this. Friends around me know that i really can go out of my mind for him. Friends will say me stupid, but i didn't find myself stupid to do all those foolish things for him. But no matter how reluctant and unwilling, the fact is still the fact. I really tried to change the fact, i tried so hard, but i know no matter how much effort i put in, how much tears, how much i beg him, the truth is there isn't anymore love. I got no choice but to accept it. After today, i know we'll never be together again. No more hopes, no more nothing. This is life. I just gotta accept this fact.. He don't love me anymore.. It's not his fault. If really someone has to take the blame, it's me.